Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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