I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
