I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
