Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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