just tell him i said nine months
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
