Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
