on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
