Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
