Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
