I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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