i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
