I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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