i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
