I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she looked like the before picture.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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