You smell like stripper and shame
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
