I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize