Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
