As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
