Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
