you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my shit smells like andre
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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