Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Randomize
