Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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