I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
