I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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