help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
