and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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