i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
