the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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