I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
