Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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