That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
