just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
