wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize