How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
