Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
