he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
