mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
