she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
