I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
