So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My dick has a subreddit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
