i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i love accidental penises.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
