so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
