I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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