College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just pee around me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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