she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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