I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
