you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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