It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
