Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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