I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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