i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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