Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
