Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
