I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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