I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize