I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
