this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
