theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
