I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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