And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
