He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
