if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
