Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize