what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize