Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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