she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
