my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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