Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
