i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize