I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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