No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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