some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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