Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
