In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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