her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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