What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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