I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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