Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
