Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
