u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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