i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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