i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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