I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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