Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
