Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
being pregnant is like rehab
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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