you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
