I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
