my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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