Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
