I wannas sexs uuuuu
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
