now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize