he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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