Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
