just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
