Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
