My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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