i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm too high and old for this...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
