I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
