I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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