I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
